A friend of mine passed along an email that asserted pride in accepting all sorts of bad names for being a patriotic guy. I thought it my duty to clarify the definitions. Sent text in bold. My responses in standard.


I'm a what?............... 


    I'm a RACIST for criticizing Obama. No, you aren’t a racist for criticizing Obama. Unless you criticize Obama for things that you wouldn’t criticize a white guy for. There may be other reasons you are a racist, but not simply for criticizing Obama.


    I'm a TERRORIST because I believe in my 2nd Amendment Rights. No, you aren’t a terrorist for believing in your 2nd Amendment rights, but you are if you threaten people who support reasonable controls for public safety.


    I'm a TEA-BAGGER for supporting the Constitution. You are only a Tea-bagger if that’s what you want to call yourself not realizing that it’s a street term for a sexual act and you can’t spell constitution.


    I'm a THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY because I refuse to shut up. No, you aren’t a threat to national security because you refuse to shut up. You may be an ignorant paranoid bore, but not a threat.


   I'm a TROUBLEMAKER for asking unanswered questions. No, you are not a trouble maker for asking unanswered questions. Unless the questions are actually answered but you are too lazy to look it up.


   I'm a BIRTHER for questioning the lack of documentation of the Commander In Chief. Well, yes, that is what we call people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that the actual long-form birth certificate has been released. If that still gets your knickers in a bunch while failing to care about the fact that John McCain was born in a foreign country and his birth certificate actually proves that, then you may be a racist. (See point one)


   I'm a TRAITOR for blowing the whistle on my corrupt government. No you are not a traitor for blowing the whistle on a corrupt government when you actually realize that much corruption comes from being bought off by billionaires and corporations and that you blow your whistle at those who are most opposed to holding these corporations accountable. On the other hand, if you only found your whistle starting in January, 2009, then it is possible you may be a racist (see point one)


   I'm a CONSPIRACY THEORIST for presenting documented facts. You aren’t a conspiracy theorist for presenting documented facts. You are only a conspiracy theorist when you only choose to pay attention to “facts” that doggedly pursue some worn-out conspiracy and you don’t question the source of these “documented facts”.


   I'm ANTI-AMERICAN for supporting Constitutionalists. No you aren’t anti-American for supporting constitutionalists… as long as those constitutionalists actually understand what the constitution says and that it creates a society of laws where constitutional application and interpretation is not simply left to any blowhard who has an ax to grind.


   I'm a RELIGIOUS FANATIC for believing Jesus Christ died for my sins.  No, you are not a religious fanatic for believing Jesus Christ died for your sins. You are only a fanatic if you shove these beliefs down other people’s throats and don’t take the first amendment as seriously as you do the second amendment.


   I'm a WAR MONGER because I support the Troops. No, you are not a war monger because you support the troops. You are a war monger if you send these troops out to die for unsound political reasons.


   I'm a HOMOPHOBE because I believe in the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.  No, you aren’t a homophobe because you believe in the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. There is nothing that can happen to rob you of the sanctity of your marriage if you truly believe that this sanctity is between you and God. However, you should realize that within your lifetime the legal definition of marriage will include gay marriage and that will be a matter of defining constitutional rights rather than government intrusion into the definition of sanctity.


   I'm a GREEDY CAPITALIST because I believe that you are not entitled to what I have earned.  I’m sure you don’t make nearly enough to be called a greedy capitalist. In fact capitalism has not much to do with wage earning. Being a greedy capitalist is a matter of having a lot of money (capital) and having the luxury of using it to make even more money without actually working as hard as you do. Then of course, the greedy capitalist’s earnings are taxed at a lower level than your hard earned wage income. In fact, they have so much money that they spend a lot of it to convince you that you and they are just the same.


   I'm a SEPARATIST because I oppose Illegal Immigration and Sharia Law. Well, that’s kinda strange because being a separatist, opposing illegal immigration and opposing Sharia Law are such totally different things. It is a stretch to make the connection. First, there is hardly anyone who actually WANTS illegal immigration. The problem is figuring out what will actually and practically fix it. The fear of Sharia Law is sold to you by those conspiracy theorists who scare the crap out of you with distorted and untrue information and ignores the fact that there are plenty of lawyers ready to raise a constitutional challenge to anything real that happens. (See conspiracy theorist point above) And the separatists? Those are the folks who used to tell me to “love it or leave it" if I criticized the government... only they weren’t intending for me to take part of the country with me.



  Yep, GUILTY, and PROUD OF IT!! What's your point?  Well, my point is, if you REALLY want to be guilty of all that you’re going to have to spend a little time getting your definitions straight.